Didn't read all the posts, but still wanted to make a post here. Sorry is I repeat somebody's ideas.
You can't forgive somebody, who you hate. If you got a true hatred, then you simple can't forgive him/her, else he/she is forgivable. But, the thing is, that any kind of feeling weakens with time. Same goes to love (e.g. you need to do something, in order to be interested in somebody and happy as well).
I got that experience from an not the best event in my life. It happened in her native city, where she once lived, but then moved here. She was going there on a vacation, and I joined her for 1 day. At one moment, I found out that one of my gf's old friend has actually loved her, and was keeping it secret(Strange things may happen, if you feel any kind of danger coming to you or you beloved one. I was jealous that she might have liked him. And, in anger I proved it to her that he was loving her). So, I decided that I needed to talk to him (in a polite way). The talk was rather dull, all the time I had to talk and explain the situation. In the end, he told me that he wasn't trying to get my gf, and everything was ok. So, I went back home to my native city. On the next day, I got an SMS from her, that said he confessed to her that he loves her. That made me really angry, I was hating him so much, that I felt that I could throw him from the bridge, and look at him with a smile while he would try to get to the river bank. From that point I felt like an animal trying to protect his family from predators. I couldn't forgive him for lying to me. After making some actions, everything ended good for my and my gf.
Right now, I am peaceful, but still aware that he might be thinking about something. I forgived him. I also know, that I won't be happy to see him again. Maybe, that can wear off in some time, and I hope that everything will be alright.
So, hating is okay. In time, it will get away. But, you should NOT fully penetrate yourself with it, or severe things may happen. It is way better to give a second chance to anybody. Of course, he/she can betray/lie/cause pain once again, but you should calm down and look at the situation from another angle (or from the height of a birds flight). You never know what life can make somebody do.
And I want to emphasize it once again (even if it is darn clear what I want to say with this post). Forgiving is the best option in many situations. "Forgive, and be forgiven." Also, it makes you feel better. Yay for a little selfishness! :D
17-year-old boy got his chance to tell his life story, I'm happy :D
By the way, a question from me: Can the human being really be in love only 1 time, or love can repeat and appear, and appear, and appear? This said, Is love a pure feeling? I think, that a person can really love a person only 1 time in his entire life.
By the way, a question from me: Can the human being really be in love only 1 time, or love can repeat and appear, and appear, and appear? This said, Is love a pure feeling? I think, that a person can really love a person only 1 time in his entire life.
There is a saying: "Once bitten, twice shy." I think this really comes down to the individual. In my opinion, one's ability to love decays exponentially. Meaning to say, multiple instances of it are possible throughout a lifetime. But for each successive instance to occur, it gets harder.
The only explanation I can think of to why, is that, as someone mentioned earlier, it is in the downtimes of life that we start to question our very existence and all. The answer to this question is very subject to the individual. In my case, everytime something goes wrong, I try to take a step back and reflect on what went wrong (assuming I didn't already know) and why it went wrong. I try to weigh it between, was it my fault? or was it the other person?
When you ponder about these things.. you get somewhat of a better understanding of human behaviours and the effects they can have when they take actions. As your understanding of society improves.. your ability to fall in love decays.
I'll try to give an example..: When in high school, I'd say its very possible for a guy and girl to fall in love without understanding the implications of commitment and all. But when it doesn't work out, one party is going to get hurt and evolve on a mental level. So the next time round, they tend to more careful.
What I'm trying to say is that, everytime the heart breaks, your understanding of the world, and of yourself improves. You start to know what qualities to look for in a person, rather than just look at them by appearance. Thus making it harder for your to fall in love, as there are now "standards".
In this world.. Some people are heartbreakers, others are heartbroken. A heartbroken may choose to become a heartbreaker too, simply because they despise what the world has put them through, whilst others just step to a higher level and play it more carefully next time.
I really hope this post makes sense.. I feel I'm just babbling my thoughts, its kinda hard to structure it nicely cos its simply complicated (oxymoron win!).
Edit: The mention of sith proverbs and stuff got me thinking of the dungeons and dragons allegiance matrix.
Lawful, Neutral, Chaotic
Good, Neutral, Evil
I would say I fall under Neutral. I'm sometimes lawful, sometimes chaotic. I'm neither good nor evil, though I tend towards good.
I believe that you stop trusting relationships and gut feelings until you cut yourself off from the opposite sex. If you have ever watched NCIS, the team leader has the exact same problem, like 5 ex-wives. He lost his first wife in a car accident and he never found a relationship as good since. I believe the first time you fall for someone is what you compare all the future times too. You think "this is not the same as before" and such so you stop trusting the feelings.
not that it matters but I want to know if your opinion is from a dude or a dudette's perspective fuzzy.
From my observation, both actually. But in the end it really depends on the individual. Some, as you say, stop trusting their feelings. I don't know if this equates to going numb. Others, like me, stand ground and fight to reach a higher level. Cos sometimes you just need to push things beyond the limit to get the results you want. It also helps greatly if you have a good understanding of humans subconscious needs.
Quote:
I believe the first time you fall for someone is what you compare all the future times too.
I lean towards agreement on this. But i try to compare against the negative rather than the positive. For example, if I had a girlfriend who was a party chick and found out she was doing something behind my back, My brain would somehow link the two together, thus I can never trust a party chick again. Its like forced stereotyping -_-
I try not to compare the good things, like how sweet she is etc etc. Cos sometimes you just end up setting the bar so high you can't find anyone. My technique is somewhat of a filtering (out of the bad) one(s), choose from the remaining ones. Rather than, know specifically how exactly I want my partner to be. You keep your options more open that way.
Edit:
Thanks for the discussion everyone. I rest my case, but I'd still like to see this discussion continue if anyone else does have interesting thoughts to share. I won't be able to forgive this guy now, but I guess over time it might come automatically. Just gonna avoid him. Hate him, maybe, but not to the point where the hatred swallows me up. Maybe the hate will subside over time, but the end result is i'll definitely still dislike him.
"Whenever I feel sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead" - True story
Be careful where you invest your emotions. That's the best way to not get hurt. Don't invest anything into anyone too quickly. If the girl leaves you for another guy, the pain that follows is proportional to how much you invested in her. Simple as that. Your penis may think differently though, just saying.
This doesn't only apply for girls, but for alot of other things, such as work/projects. For example, I'm sure most of you would rage if by some coincidence all the mediums with your map backups failed in succession. Its happened to me before for some reports in highschool, so i always keep my backups on 'cloud servers' such as dropbox, gmail these days.
@OneTwoSC: Go
It is not natural to like Justin Bieber.....
Didn't read all the posts, but still wanted to make a post here. Sorry is I repeat somebody's ideas.
You can't forgive somebody, who you hate. If you got a true hatred, then you simple can't forgive him/her, else he/she is forgivable. But, the thing is, that any kind of feeling weakens with time. Same goes to love (e.g. you need to do something, in order to be interested in somebody and happy as well).
I got that experience from an not the best event in my life. It happened in her native city, where she once lived, but then moved here. She was going there on a vacation, and I joined her for 1 day. At one moment, I found out that one of my gf's old friend has actually loved her, and was keeping it secret(Strange things may happen, if you feel any kind of danger coming to you or you beloved one. I was jealous that she might have liked him. And, in anger I proved it to her that he was loving her). So, I decided that I needed to talk to him (in a polite way). The talk was rather dull, all the time I had to talk and explain the situation. In the end, he told me that he wasn't trying to get my gf, and everything was ok. So, I went back home to my native city. On the next day, I got an SMS from her, that said he confessed to her that he loves her. That made me really angry, I was hating him so much, that I felt that I could throw him from the bridge, and look at him with a smile while he would try to get to the river bank. From that point I felt like an animal trying to protect his family from predators. I couldn't forgive him for lying to me. After making some actions, everything ended good for my and my gf.
Right now, I am peaceful, but still aware that he might be thinking about something. I forgived him. I also know, that I won't be happy to see him again. Maybe, that can wear off in some time, and I hope that everything will be alright.
So, hating is okay. In time, it will get away. But, you should NOT fully penetrate yourself with it, or severe things may happen. It is way better to give a second chance to anybody. Of course, he/she can betray/lie/cause pain once again, but you should calm down and look at the situation from another angle (or from the height of a birds flight). You never know what life can make somebody do.
And I want to emphasize it once again (even if it is darn clear what I want to say with this post). Forgiving is the best option in many situations. "Forgive, and be forgiven." Also, it makes you feel better. Yay for a little selfishness! :D
17-year-old boy got his chance to tell his life story, I'm happy :D
By the way, a question from me: Can the human being really be in love only 1 time, or love can repeat and appear, and appear, and appear? This said, Is love a pure feeling? I think, that a person can really love a person only 1 time in his entire life.
There is a saying: "Once bitten, twice shy." I think this really comes down to the individual. In my opinion, one's ability to love decays exponentially. Meaning to say, multiple instances of it are possible throughout a lifetime. But for each successive instance to occur, it gets harder.
The only explanation I can think of to why, is that, as someone mentioned earlier, it is in the downtimes of life that we start to question our very existence and all. The answer to this question is very subject to the individual. In my case, everytime something goes wrong, I try to take a step back and reflect on what went wrong (assuming I didn't already know) and why it went wrong. I try to weigh it between, was it my fault? or was it the other person?
When you ponder about these things.. you get somewhat of a better understanding of human behaviours and the effects they can have when they take actions. As your understanding of society improves.. your ability to fall in love decays.
I'll try to give an example..: When in high school, I'd say its very possible for a guy and girl to fall in love without understanding the implications of commitment and all. But when it doesn't work out, one party is going to get hurt and evolve on a mental level. So the next time round, they tend to more careful.
What I'm trying to say is that, everytime the heart breaks, your understanding of the world, and of yourself improves. You start to know what qualities to look for in a person, rather than just look at them by appearance. Thus making it harder for your to fall in love, as there are now "standards".
In this world.. Some people are heartbreakers, others are heartbroken. A heartbroken may choose to become a heartbreaker too, simply because they despise what the world has put them through, whilst others just step to a higher level and play it more carefully next time.
I really hope this post makes sense.. I feel I'm just babbling my thoughts, its kinda hard to structure it nicely cos its simply complicated (oxymoron win!).
Edit: The mention of sith proverbs and stuff got me thinking of the dungeons and dragons allegiance matrix.
I would say I fall under Neutral. I'm sometimes lawful, sometimes chaotic. I'm neither good nor evil, though I tend towards good.
@FuzzYD: Go
I believe that you stop trusting relationships and gut feelings until you cut yourself off from the opposite sex. If you have ever watched NCIS, the team leader has the exact same problem, like 5 ex-wives. He lost his first wife in a car accident and he never found a relationship as good since. I believe the first time you fall for someone is what you compare all the future times too. You think "this is not the same as before" and such so you stop trusting the feelings.
not that it matters but I want to know if your opinion is from a dude or a dudette's perspective fuzzy.
@FuzzYD: Go
to hate someone is natural, as long as you dont really try to hurt them then no harm no foul. Anyone who has ever played CoD knows that to be a fact
@Reaper872: Go
From my observation, both actually. But in the end it really depends on the individual. Some, as you say, stop trusting their feelings. I don't know if this equates to going numb. Others, like me, stand ground and fight to reach a higher level. Cos sometimes you just need to push things beyond the limit to get the results you want. It also helps greatly if you have a good understanding of humans subconscious needs.
I lean towards agreement on this. But i try to compare against the negative rather than the positive. For example, if I had a girlfriend who was a party chick and found out she was doing something behind my back, My brain would somehow link the two together, thus I can never trust a party chick again. Its like forced stereotyping -_-
I try not to compare the good things, like how sweet she is etc etc. Cos sometimes you just end up setting the bar so high you can't find anyone. My technique is somewhat of a filtering (out of the bad) one(s), choose from the remaining ones. Rather than, know specifically how exactly I want my partner to be. You keep your options more open that way.
Edit: Thanks for the discussion everyone. I rest my case, but I'd still like to see this discussion continue if anyone else does have interesting thoughts to share. I won't be able to forgive this guy now, but I guess over time it might come automatically. Just gonna avoid him. Hate him, maybe, but not to the point where the hatred swallows me up. Maybe the hate will subside over time, but the end result is i'll definitely still dislike him.
Be careful where you invest your emotions. That's the best way to not get hurt. Don't invest anything into anyone too quickly. If the girl leaves you for another guy, the pain that follows is proportional to how much you invested in her. Simple as that. Your penis may think differently though, just saying.
@Karawasa: Go
This doesn't only apply for girls, but for alot of other things, such as work/projects. For example, I'm sure most of you would rage if by some coincidence all the mediums with your map backups failed in succession. Its happened to me before for some reports in highschool, so i always keep my backups on 'cloud servers' such as dropbox, gmail these days.
Here's my motto: Hate no one, love almost everyone, kill the rest...
Shadow