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I hope this works. He thought, dropped the hook onto the floor, and threw himself off a building once more. He fell longer than he was comfortable with, but he was relieved when pain shot through his arm and his entire body slammed into the wall as the rope reached its full length. He looked to his right and saw the windo--

It’s a bloody arrow loop! He realised and swore. There was no way he was going to get through that.

He looked around. There wasn’t a single window in the outer wall. Climbing back up the rope was out of the question - he wouldn’t manage it before the guards came, and if he did, they’d be too close for him to escape from them.

Today was the day he, Logan van Sirius, was gonna die. He would fall fifty feet onto the grass, dirt and cobblestone below and save the kindgom a hanging. He hoped that he’d at least manage to break the crown.

He then thought about asking the gods for help, but he highly doubted he would get any from them. They weren’t really his biggest fans. Sola, the goddess of the sun and sky, fire and warmth, really frowned upon criminals. Luna, the goddess of the moon and night, of all that was dark, wasn’t directly opposed to criminals, but he was pretty sure he got on her bad side already. Then there was Jorin, the god of the earth, of forests, crops and everything else that happened to grow out of earth. He didn’t really know what to ask from him. Please make yourself softer so that I don’t die when I fall on you? He was out of the question as well. Then there was the god of life and therefore death, but everyone knew he had a grim sense of humor, and he liked the death part of his job more than life.

Then there was Stephen, the so called miscellanious god - the god who took all the unclaimed categories. Logan guessed he could give him a try.

“Dear Stephen, lord of all the unclaimed categories, I hope saving thieves from death by falling is one of them. I’d like to ask you to give me a hand here. I’m sure I’ve been much entertainment for you and the others, and if not, we can make some sort of deal. Sincerely, Logan van Sirius.”

Now that he said it out loud, that prayer sounded rather lousy. Those were the big five, the real gods. But he had other options - the so called Sherian Lords. They were as close to gods as possible -- immortal and in full control of their very own realm. They had quite a few worshippers in this world, which in turn allowed them to influence it. Ironically they proved their existence a lot more than the actual gods.

There was a large selection of Sherian Lords for him to pick from - most of them were simply rubbish. Everyone knew that Bubbles, the Sherian Lord of Cheese, didn’t do anything but babble about cheese - he didn’t even make your cheese any better if you worshipped him!

Logan quickly went through all the Sherian Lords in his mind, trying to find the right one to pray to (They weren’t fans of spontaneous polytheism). The Lords of Destruction, Plagues, Murder, Lust and quite a few more were out of the question as well - they’d probably just make his death worse than it should be. Then he remembered the right Sherian Lord to pray to.

“Dear Maderon Dness, lord of madness, I’d like to ask you for a favor. I’m sure you remember I drove quite a few people nuts - that’s more people for you to call your own! Should be worth something, right? If you could help me out here somehow, it’d be highly appreciated. Thanks, Logan.”

He waited for five seconds. Nope, no reply. Great. The gods and god-like beings really weren’t his fans. He could hear a commotion up on the walls. It was just a matter of time before they cut his rope and he plummeted to his--

You’re taking your time. A sinister voice came from behind him. He turned around to see the the god of life and death, the Grim Reaper, stand in midair beside him. Not a good sign.

“With what?”

You know what.

“Uh... No I don’t.”

Your time has come.

“That can’t be right. Time doesn’t come. It only goes, passes and flies. Some people will say that it sometimes stands, but that’s just utter nonsense as any physicist can tell you.”

You know what I mean.

“So I take it Maderon hasn’t sent you?”

You think a mere Sherian Lord could command me?

“Uh, no. But I don’t really see a reason for you to visit me personally.”

I like to be there when people know they’re going to die. Especially when it’s by falling. Their last words can be pretty good sometimes.

“Oh really? What kind of things do they say?”

Well, a lot of them just go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! but then there are some that say things like “Oh, my shoelace is untAAAAAAAAAAAAH--”

“Oh. So you’re just here to hear my last words?”

Yea. Well, actually, Stephen told me to give you this.

The Grim Reapers skeletal hand went into his black robe and pulled out a disembodied human hand.

He said you needed a hand for something.

Logan just laughed. He was about to die, and the gods were making fun of him. Then the rational part of his mind kicked in again.

“Hey, would you consider to cut me deal?”

What do you mean?

“Well, I get to live and you get something from me in return.”

What could I want from a mere mortal like you?

“I don’t know, but those Sherian guys do it all the time, don’t they? Probably just for their own amusement.”

And...?

“Well, how about I do something you find amusing, and for that I get to live?”

Hmmm... The Grim Reaper hmmmed.

He heard the door of the nearest tower open.

“A decision sometime soon would be nice. I don’t have all night.”

Alright. You get to live, and in return you take over the world.

Before Logan could protest, the guards cut the rope.


“Cap’n?” The guard that cut the rope asked.

“Yea?” The cap’n answered.

“What would you say if I said that a pile o’ hay just suddenly appeared down there?”

“I’d say you’ve had too much to drink. Why do you ask?”

“Well, our thief just landed in it.”