- There are spelling mistakes that you should check. In a title says sector Korpulu. - Set the game speed to normal. Otherwise it looks very forced. - The dialogue of the murder is a little ... cliche maybe? That the mother says the age of the girl is not very likely. You could say "Please" name "she's just a girl!" - The suicide thing. Can you change the name of the place? - Play with the camera a little. That every time, the camera turns around the scene. Otherwise it looks very static. - The last scene, the army scene takes up too much memory. You could put less and add a sky.
Besides, that's a good story. I like the lore you've done.
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Birth Of Order
- There are spelling mistakes that you should check. In a title says sector Korpulu.
- Set the game speed to normal. Otherwise it looks very forced.
- The dialogue of the murder is a little ... cliche maybe? That the mother says the age of the girl is not very likely. You could say "Please" name "she's just a girl!"
- The suicide thing. Can you change the name of the place?
- Play with the camera a little. That every time, the camera turns around the scene. Otherwise it looks very static.
- The last scene, the army scene takes up too much memory. You could put less and add a sky.
Besides, that's a good story. I like the lore you've done.